nameless. but nice.

Today I got to chat with my dad on the phone for about fifteen minutes.

We're both busy. Add conflicting work schedules and a three hour time difference to the mix, and... well, it's just hard to find the right time to make it happen.

But when the stars align and we do somehow manage to work in a call, I always love them.

There's not a lot of profound conversation to be had, but there's something really special about our calls. After we make our "goodbyes" and "love you's," I always hang up feeling a twinge of... something difficult to explain. Sadness? That doesn't seem to quite fit, but it's somewhere along those lines.

Maybe it's the geographical distance between us that our chats bring to consciousness, or the months that have passed since seeing one another last. Maybe it's old sentiments being stirred, or the strong sense I get from our talks that he simply wants me to be well; that he loves me and wants to somehow care for me.

Whatever it is, it triggers something in me. Gratefulness, longing, loving, and so much more I can't accurately put into words; all wrapped up into one unique and nameless emotion.

Nameless.
But nice.

Snapshot: 053012 1500 PST

* Songwriting with THIS as my muse. Incredible.

Snapshot: 051812 1600 PST (Sir William)

We were rockstars. There was lot's of singing.
Later, he told me I needed more "rock 'n roll."
He's probably right.

We also partook in a spectator sport.
He plopped down onto my lap and said, "hold me."
So I did. We watched his big brother play X-Box.

He likes my beard. He said its pretty.

And we learned all about gliding Draco lizards.
I'm not gonna lie. It was awesome.

caring, encouraging, kind

Hanging out with him is like therapy. He probably doesn't realize it, but it's true.

He's just one of those guys...
Attentive. Empathic. Kindhearted.
An encourager by nature. Genuine.

When he asks you how you've been, he means it. He really means it. Or, at least, he has a vibe about him that makes you believe he means it.

I think we can learn a lot about loving people with God's love by watching this guy; fully engaged with whoever he's with in the moment.

Caring, encouraging, kind.

Thanks, Matt!

from thrones and crowns to bowing down

The God who spoke the universe into existence humbled Himself to wash the feet of men; He didn't descend to Earth to live as a king, but as a servant. He was ridiculed, spit on, beaten, crucified...

Shaun Groves said it fantastically...

"Is it possible that the descending way of Jesus might be God’s way for me?

I’m thankful for the Josephs who govern from pharaoh’s side for the good of the masses, for the Esthers who influence the influencers and change the trajectory of history.

But where are those people called by God to step down, leave behind, earn less, influence fewer, to follow? Does God only call His Son to downward mobility? Or does God call me downward too and I fail to recognize His voice because it sounds too backward?"

Borrowed from here. 

My flesh cries out in defiance; I want to be one of the Josephs. I want to govern. I want to influence influencers. I want, I want, I want... But I don't want to want anymore. I want to stop wanting.

There is no greater importance for mankind than sharing the immeasurable importance of our Christ. This is our purpose, from the top rung down to the bottom of the ladder. It's an incredible purpose, one I am unworthy of, but gifted by regardless.

Where are the people God called to step down? They're all around. We tend to not see them because they're bowed down at the foot of the cross. Some people are called to be seen for the glory of God, while others are called to be unseen for the same purpose.

We live in a culture where men sit on thrones and wear crowns.
We live with a calling to serve and bow down.

Descending from our own crumbling kingdoms to ascend into His eternal one.
Downward mobility.

Jesus made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross! – Philippians 2:7,8

predestined

In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight...

- Ephesians 1:4-8 ESV

MOG 052412

I've been motivated. I'm working hard in school and really applying myself. Its a nice feeling. I've been on a rigorous diet with Kimberly and lost about 23lbs over the past four weeks. I've had some minor depressing thoughts and feelings about worthlessness the past couple weeks, but they've been fleeting and manageable. My anxiety level has been very low. I was having a difficult time managing anger at work, but this past week was much better. We'll see how this week goes!

Over all, I'm doing well!

mash-up

Creative things catch my eye, and ear. Something about it inspires me, even when the outlet of the creativity I'm consuming isn't the media of choice...

I can't imagine how many hours it took to piece this mash-up together! It includes almost all chart-topping pop, rock, and hip hop songs of 2011. Unlike any other mash-up I've heard before, the DJ blends the smallest fragments of the songs, down to a single word, and pairs it with others to create an entirely new song. It's pretty incredible! The videos were blended with one another well, too!

something/nothing

So many moments are full of something.
Its nice to just do nothing.

With so many 'somethings' to do, its completely irresponsible to do nothing.
But as I said, it sure is nice :-)

Snapshot: 052212 1935 PST

Sitting in Theories class.
Watching Carl Rogers perform therapy.

He's incredible.

freedom to serve

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13

twisted words

Think of a time someone 'interpreted' something you've said and unknowingly, or quite intentionally, invited the wolves in to feast on you.

Everyone has been there.

You know what you mean when you say it. And someone decides they want you to mean something else.

It's infuriating. Right?

God's word. It's not to be interpreted. It's just not. Yes, we need to seek meaning from His Living Word, but His meaning. Not our own.

The bible should be used to illuminate God and bring us closer to him.
To glorify Him and share Him with those who do not know Him yet.

God's words are a gift. A guide to our Savior.
Not propaganda for our personal agendas.

And after all, no one likes for their own words to get twisted in someone else's mouth.

not being Mr. Fix-It

Over the years I've worked with so many teens. Some are vague memories while others remain close to my heart. From time to time I wonder how they're doing and where they are in life. Occasionally, I'm blessed by somehow reconnecting with a past client, but often it comes with a burden; I still feel they are somehow mine to care for when they're hurting.

I hurt for them.
I hurt with them.

I want to reach through my computer screen and hug them.

I believe God brings these people back into my life for a reason, not to 'fix' them or to resume the role I once played in their lives, but to simply be someone loving them with God's love regardless of all things, and pointing them to the cross. I am not meant to be Mr. Fix-It.

I'm just available. That's all that's required of me.
God does the rest.

Feel free to remind me of this.
I sometimes forget.

snapshot: 052112 1200 PST

How can you visit a place called Oceanside and not get your feet wet?

I was in town interviewing a therapist for a school project, and probably should've came straight home afterward to tackle a ridiculous to-do-list.

But instead, I ended up here.
Listening to the waves; watching them pull in and push out.
Toes in the sand.
Admiring God's handiwork.